Saturday, December 17, 2011

A Letter to Superman

I never thought the day would come again when I would wish to tell you everything.
Now don't get me wrong, I still hate you, I don't miss you, and I hope your love life will always be as cursed as you have made mine. But I miss what you were to me.
Sometimes after a long day, I find myself checking my mailbox for one of your poems. Each one you sent me is seared into my heart and I know them so well I can read them backwards in the mirror, and upside down on my chest.
You were my Superman, my angel. You represented to me a man who could stand against the world. On the wings of your words you lifted me far into the heavens, brushing clouds and starts, claiming them for me. When you fell, I plummeted back to earth alone.
I waited there in my creator for you to rescue me and take me home. You never did, so I made the painstaking climb all by myself, dragging my body over sharp memory shards and broken dreams that had fallen with me from the skies.
You always gave me terrible advice, but I loved to hear it. Your voice was like the steady drumming of my own heart. I miss that.
I feel sorry for you, now, after years of feeling sorry for myself. No one ever means to fall. It was only that you dragged me down with you that inspired my hate.
But that's not why I'm writing this.
I miss our little Seinfeld dramas. It was the little things I loved to tell you: I drew a new picture today, I read a great book. In fact, sharing things with you made me so happy that sometimes I would make things up just to hear you laugh and call me a silly girl.
I knew from almost the very start that I did not love you, but you loved me. I'm sorry for that. But that's not why I'm writing either.
I'm writing to tell you Goodbye. This may not be my last note to you, or my final Goodbye (I've said it so many times before) but in a way, it is.
I'm writing this to give you the forgiveness you may not have known you needed. I won't condone your anger, your abuse, the things you said or what you made me do, but I will forget them, and let you go.
To hold onto the memories of you that I do cherish, I cannot continue to let them be stained with anger and pain.
Goodbye. Goodbye hate, goodbye malice, goodbye regrets, goodbye little girl, and goodbye my Superman.

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